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21 Medical Professionals Spill About Their Dumbest Patients
"Raid does not get rid of pubic crabs"

1
Had to explain Raid bug spray does not get rid of pubic crabs.... I kid you not.
2
A friend had to tell a patient not to smoke weed through his trach.
3
You don't have to be over 18 to become pregnant (they thought you could only biologically conceive a baby if you were 18+)
4
I'm a phlebotomist and had to explain to someone why they can't bend their arm with a 17 Guage needle in it..
5
I'm a dietician. I had a client tell me she had a salad with her meals, but kept gaining weight. After some questions, I found out she never ate the salad, she just had it next to her fattening food.
6
Explaining to patients why we can't just glue their crown back on after the whole tooth has broken off at their gums is my favorite
7
There have been instances where women don't even know their own anatomy and weren't aware they don't pee out of their vagina
8
Why the "black marks" on my arm won't come off. they're tattoos.
9
Cousin is an EMT, had to explain to a guy that "No you can't smoke weed and masturbate while in the back of the ambulance and using your broken arm to masterbate with does not help the situation"
10
A patient constantly screamed "I can't breathe!"
I came in and said "when you scream like that, it means you CAN breathe." Without missing a beat, she feebly whispered "I...can't... breathe."
11
Why the sun doesn't 'turn off' like a light switch when its night time. 
Omfg I nearly slapped the idiot after explaining the 3rd time.
12
Person came in after seeing oncologist, and being dxed with pancreatic and liver cancer. She said "I guess i'm ok, since they said i'm not a candidate for chemo, radiation or surgery".
13
That there are different types of antibiotics to treat different types of infections. They don't just "get stronger"
14
Your gingiva is bleeding because you don't floss - flossing only causes your gums to bleed because they're inflamed. No one listens 😩
15
Once patient asked me to check her pulse to see if it's beating
16
Please don't eat your poop. It's not good for you
17
No, you didn't 'catch herpes again.'  You get it once and it stays with you for life.
18
Not really an explanation story but, I once had to tell one of my patients that using his catheter bag as a water gun on  unsuspecting nurses wasn't acceptable... guess who was next in line that day..
19
I had one young lady come up too me and tell me her grandmother was on her period Because there was blood in the toilet. She was  a 100-year-old with hemorrhoids. Like what?

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